This Anniversary I'm Celebrating "Alive" Day Instead of Having a Pity Party! (approx. 4-5 min. read)
/When I first started writing blogs 6 years ago, I barely went out and when I did go out, I was filled with fear and anxiety, even if it was just to go out into my yard. Today, nearly 16 years from when I got held up, I still feel the fear, but I’ve learned how to talk myself through the fear and I truly believe you can as well. You’re going to need patience because at times, it’s going to feel like it’s taking a lifetime, and there may be times that you’re afraid you’re never going to enjoy your life, but once you get there, it’s going to feel surreal, because that’s the way it feels for me. If you’ve been reading along you know that these last 6 years have seemed like 20, but everything I did contributed to the way I feel today. And every time I stepped outside my comfort zone, I became one step closer to living authentically, the life we are all meant to live.
The first step I took towards healing was when I started writing my book about living with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I was told by the first editor I spoke to, that I needed to create a media platform to see if anyone would be interested in reading what I had to say. I honestly wasn’t sure what she meant, but here’s one of the definitions I found:
“Media platforms are technologies and standards that allow writers or other media ‘producers’ and readers and other ‘consumers’ of media to interface more efficiently… Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, etc., are platforms that connect disparate media creators and curators with consumers of that media.”
For those of you that have been following, you know that creating a platform on social media was incredibly difficult because up until that point in my life, I’d hidden behind a picture of mine and my husband’s feet in a hot tub. My face wasn’t anywhere to be found because I was terrified that my abusers, as well as the man that had held me up, would be able to find me if I put myself out there. Fortunately, I found the courage to be seen because opening a Twitter account and creating a following of other mental health advocates and warriors ended up being one of the things that started my healing journey.
Since that day, I have changed and it’s in a really good way because not only am I the most confident I’ve ever been, I don’t feel fear anymore. Sure, I still have triggers, and with PTSD I know I always will, but with therapy a lot of the triggers that used to incapacitate me, hardly even faze me now. I used to believe that therapy was a waste of time and that all it did was torment me, but I was wrong. Once I went back and started working through my traumas, everything started to change for me, even though those changes were subtle. In fact, there were dozens of different things that happened that I didn’t realize were helping me but once I started looking back, consciously to see when the change/s happened, I could see them clearly. And I know I’ve spoken about this in my book, as well as in my blogs, but I’m saying it again because there’s an important step, I want you to take while traveling down your path to healing.
Are you ready to know what that is?
From this date forward, I want you to celebrate all your milestones, no matter how small they are. You got up this morning – awesome! You got a shower – even better, and if you managed to go and pick up a loaf of bread, or a bag of milk, I hope you treat yourself to something special. Doing these things are huge steps for someone dealing with PTSD and they’re all important steps on your road to healing. Not only do I want you to celebrate your milestones, but I also want you to celebrate something else. It’s what the military call their “Alive,” day; the day they have a brush with death and it knocks them sideways.
If you’re a survivor you know that being knocked sideways doesn’t just occur to veterans or first responders it can also occur to someone like you and I. All it takes are a traumatic event like a serious accident, being raped or sexually assaulted, being bullied, or losing someone close to you. Whatever the reason, it’s a close encounter with death which changes us forever, and I believe the military is right; it should be celebrated because it’s an awakening for us to start our journey towards healing. Now don’t get me wrong…I know that when it’s happening it doesn’t feel like anything positive but standing on this side of my traumas have made me realize that that’s what it is. So, starting on August 9th of 2021, instead of hiding under a blanket on what I used to call “The day that ended my life,” I’m going to start celebrating it is the beginning of my life.
Stay safe, and stay strong, and remember to leave a comment letting me know how you are going to celebrate your “Alive,” day. Thanks for following.
