Meema and Beepa Love You! (approx. 4-5 min. read)

It’s been a really long time since I wrote a blog I felt was worthy of posting, but here goes…

As you know my kids stopped talking to me 863 days ago; that’s 2 years, 133 days, 10 hours, and 33 minutes, but who’s counting lol?! The hardest part about it is the fact that they cut us off from our grandkids and that really hurts. I never had a relationship with my grandparents, and I had always wanted to change that with our grandchildren & for a while Gary and I did. Because prior to us moving up here the grandkids would come for sleepovers on a regular basis; two of them had been sleeping over at least once a month since they were born.

When the grandchildren weren’t sleeping over, we did things with them, like taking them to fishing derby’s, Easter egg hunts, and treasure hunts. We introduced them to breeding Monarch butterflies, Christmas tree hunting, pumpkin patch, and apple picking excursions, as well as nature, walks. In fact, the oldest grandchild was 6 weeks old the first time I tucked him into his snuggly, zipped him into my winter jacket, and took him hiking on the “friendship trail,” behind our old house in Millgrove. We also spent a lot of time teaching them how to do research on the computer, so they could learn all about nature, which they soaked up like sponges.

It was wonderful because we made so many great memories with them. We were even told by our oldest grandchild; more than once, that our home was his favorite place in the world, and it makes me wonder where the 4 of them think we went? Did their parents tell them we’re dead?

The year we moved up here, I reached out many times to find out why my kids stopped talking to me, but they never answered me until Christmas Eve, and it was in the form of emails. The first one was from my youngest and amongst a whole bunch of other stuff that I know came from my parents, she said she was angry at me for sending birthday cards to the grandchildren. She said that I had a lot of gall sending the fourth card after neither she nor her sister had replied to the previous three that I sent.

The last card I had sent was for her oldest, and she was really upset that he almost intercepted it. Apparently, he’d been running ahead of her to check the mail each day, which to me seems out of character for a child that lives and breathes video games. Truthfully, the more I’ve thought about it, makes me think he overheard his mother and aunt talking about the birthday cards I had sent for his sister and cousins. I believe he was running ahead because he was hoping he would be able to seize his birthday card before they did, because he misses us, or at least he did before we moved.

I got a bunch of nasty texts from his father one night telling me to stop writing blogs or he was going to show my grandson the blog I wrote about my father after his death. He told me he was hoping that his son would hate me once he read it, but I don’t think he would. This little guy is really smart and once he sees the blog, he’ll be able to find his way back to my website and that’s the reason I decided to write this one. I’m hoping that he will find it and share it with the rest of our grandchildren. That way they will know that we love them all and we would never cut our ties with them - ever.

I want my grandchildren to know that I love them more than life itself and there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about them. In the beginning, I didn’t have any reminders of them in the house because it just hurt too much, but now I have pictures up. They’re a little outdated because I’ve been blocked by my kids and I don’t know how to get recent pictures, but when I look at the pictures, I try to imagine how they look now.

Honestly, it’s incredibly difficult having someone you love ripped out of your arms and not know what is going on with them. I wonder about them all the time…if they have the same hobbies, or if their tastes have changed? How school is going for all of them because two of them were being bullied the last time we talked? More importantly, I wonder how are they dealing with this pandemic and the changes they are having to deal with in their sweet little lives?

My hope is that they will remember all the good times we had together and that I tried to reach out to them. I hope that their memories of Gary and I will surpass any of the bad things their parents are saying and that they will search us out when they’re old enough. Unless of course they’ve been told we’re dead, and as I write that, it brings tears to my eyes, because I can’t imagine not seeing them ever again.

I always wanted kids and grandkids, and I did everything in my power to keep them safe. I was always available to them, and I always put them first and I wish they would just talk to me and tell me what I did to upset them. That way I can apologize, and we can work on getting past it. My anger is with my parents, not with them and they had no right to bring my kids into this mess. This “mess” is and always has been between me and my parents. My kids should never have been included in any of this because like me they don’t deserve it, and I want them to know that I’m here, I love them, and I want to fix this. Period.

Stay safe and stay strong. Thanks for following.