Having Surgery on Friday and Looking for Some Words of Wisdom. (approx. 2½ min. read)

I’ve had a ganglion cyst on my right wrist since I was in my twenties, and it’s become such a problem that it’s pressing on the nerves that control the use of my hand. In the beginning I could bash it with a book; it would burst, and be gone for a year (or two), and then I would just bash it again.  The last six years or so, bashing it with a book doesn’t work and it’s gotten incredibly painful, so I’ve consulted a surgeon. I’ve had a couple of cortisone shots, had it aspirated twice, and now the surgeon wants to remove it surgically.

For those of you that don’t know what a ganglion cyst is; it’s a tumour; or swelling on top of a joint; or the covering of a tendon. Depending on it’s size it can cause pain, tingling and numbness in the fingers, especially if it’s connected to a tendon. If there is pain, it can become chronic and made worse by joint motion. Which I suspect is what has made it so painful in the last year, or so because all I’ve been doing is writing; 24/7 it seems.

So after six years of tests, aspirations, and physio, it’s finally going to be removed and although I couldn’t be happier, I’m scared shitless…

Scared of what you might say? …Everything, I say! The surgery, being at the mercy of strangers, feeling so incredibly vulnerable (I’m not comfortable with anyone touching me, especially people I don’t know), of how long it might take to recover, and most of all …terrified I’m going to have a night terror while I’m under anaesthetic…

As you know, my husband and our furry family member; Xena wake me when I’m having a night terror. They know all the signs and that all I’m trying to do is wake up; that I need to wake up, but they aren’t going to be there. I’m going to be with strangers; people that might not understand why I’m so terrified to go to sleep…

I’m not sure I can survive my night terrors… I just don't think my brain can handle those kind of memories before combusting, and I need to wake up before it gets to where I’m sure I’m going to die (this time). And you might think it’s strange that I’m afraid of dying, yet I think about suicide, but that’s the nature of the beast. I don’t seem to have control of my thoughts most of the time…

Anyway, I’m looking for help this week… I’m wondering what my fellow PTSD survivors would do to get through this? Is there anything you can suggest that will help to alleviate some of the fear that comes from situations like this? Situations where we have absolutely no control?

Thanks for following. Stay safe, and stay strong.