Being Counter-Productive... (approx. 2½ min. read)
/I’m on holiday trying to take a mental health break and I’m stressing about de-stressing. Which in my opinion is being kind of counter-productive…
All of the books and webinars say that I need to be consistent by posting weekly and on the same day, but it’s hard when there are days when it’s a struggle just to get out of bed. …And you would think that being on holiday would change that, but for me PTSD doesn’t take a holiday. In fact, being out of my comfort zone only makes it harder for me to relax.
But I digress…
This isn’t the first time I’ve had to take a break since I started my blog, so instead of cutting myself some slack, I’m beating myself up because all I can think about is that I’m letting someone down…
Maybe it’s the personality type; but I’m not sure. I’ve always been afraid of letting people down or hurting them, and it might seem like I’m being self-centred but I assure you my heart is in the right place.
…I remember what it was like when I was first diagnosed with PTSD. The rejection from family and friends was dreadful, and I’ve honestly never felt more isolated. I couldn’t get my brain to do what everyone was telling me to do and that was to “GET OVER IT!” …Why couldn’t I just get over it??? I felt so incredibly screwed up and I couldn’t get my brain to do what my parents, family and some friends said should have been so easy. It honestly felt like the whole world had turned on me and suicide seemed like the only answer; sometimes it still does…
But that’s a horrible place to be, and I don’t ever want anyone to feel that way. Hence the reason I’m having trouble de-stressing …and I know I can’t reach everyone but I believe if everyone does their part, people with PTSD won’t have to continue suffering in silence.
…Here is where I’m feeling counter-productive… I’m on the beach trying to take a mental health break and I’m stressing about de-stressing. I’m lying here worried about letting my readers down because it’s been weeks since my last blog. Plus, I’m not being a good travel companion, or partner to the person who means more to me than life itself. …More importantly, I’m not giving myself a break and I really need one; this past eight - nine months has been horrendous…
So I’m going to post this as soon as I can get a good connection and I’ll be back as soon as I’ve re-charged my batteries. If you need some support while I’m gone, or want to read some really good articles on PTSD; check out www.ptsd.com. I’ve been a member since 2006 (under the name melody) and not only do they have a great support group, they’ll make you feel like family without the judgement.
Stay safe and stay strong.
